Saturday, December 14, 2013

Week 21: Carbone's Pizza (S. Minneapolis)

While you were busy eating turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie; decorating your dining room table with homemade cornucopia centerpieces; and polishing your Pilgrim shoes and hat for Thanksgiving 2013, your favorite pizza eating couple took a nontraditional approach to our annual day of gratitude this year. Instead of spending Thanksgiving with our families, we spent it with 80,000 football fans at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, TX. 

If you’ve met me, you know that I am not athletic.  Or graceful.  Or a sports fan of any kind.  In fact, I refuse to participate in or watch any activity where I don’t like the costume.  Swimming and volleyball – I’m talking to you.  Of all the sports that exist, football is one I have never really understood nor enjoyed.  The costumes are unattractive; the ball is thrown and carried more than it is kicked, making the name of the sport questionable; and forgive me for this gross stereotype but I’ve noticed that football players are frequently arrested for murdering their ex-wives (OJ Simpson); drunk driving (Aldon Smith, Jerome Simpson, Erin Henderson, Spencer Havner etc etc etc); domestic abuse; and dog fighting (Michael Vick).  And I’m not making this stuff up.  According to an article in Uptown Magazine, 21 NFL teams carried at least one player with domestic assault or violence charges on their rosters during the 2012 season. 

Although I like the seedy, criminal element as much as the next person, I just can’t work up much enthusiasm or interest for football.  In fairness, I haven’t given it much of a chance and I really don’t even understand how the game is played or how they decide who wins.  Because I don’t care.  My hubby, on the other hand, is a fan.  In fact, he is often heard making dramatic statements such as, “All I want for Thanksgiving is my grandma’s mashed potatoes and for the Dallas Cowboys to win.”  So it only made sense that when given the opportunity to make half his dreams come true (awesome as I am, even I can’t reproduce a dead woman’s potatoes) and make a sizeable donation to charity, I did just that.  And off we went to Dallas for a football filled Thanksgiving.

“Who the hell cares,” you ask?  Well, you do.  Because while you ingested a 4,500 calorie feast, I clocked 30 minutes on the elliptical, ate some nachos, and saved up my leftover calories for pizza night, which took place right on schedule, and we returned from Dallas in order to head to south Minneapolis for our 21st consecutive week of pizza consumption at Carbone’s Pizzeria on Cedar Avenue.

Pre-Pizza Moods: Our pre-pizza moods were generally good.  My hubby was on a football high and I was happy to be reunited with my bed, my pillow, and my dog.  Pre-pizza moods for both of us hovered around a 7.

Carbone’s is actually a large franchise operation with 37 pizzeria joints across Minnesota and Wisconsin, with one lonely franchisee all by itself in Billings, Montana.  If you live in the Twin Cities, chances are, there’s a Carbone’s in your neighborhood – unless you live in Plymouth, Maple Grove, Golden Valley, Hopkins, Minnetonka, or Eden Prairie.  But seriously, there are 32 Carbone’s locations in MN alone and so there just might be one in your ‘hood.  According to their website, Carbone’s began as a humble Italian grocery on St. Paul’s east side that served as a bar (and during prohibition, as a confection shop).  Following the death of patriarch Alfonso Carbone in 1954, his sons Frankie and Marco and his widow Antoinette opened St. Paul’s original Carbone’s pizzeria. 

I’m still not 100% sure why we decided to dine at the Carbone’s on Cedar Avenue in Minneapolis, since it is not the original location, but in my defense, when Carbone’s was recommended to me by my friend Keith, I didn’t know there were 37 locations to choose from and he didn’t specify – and I remembered that I used to live near a Carbone’s in South Minneapolis so that’s how week 21 came to be. 



Parking Situation & Exterior Appearance: If you handed a child a bunch of rectangular, gray legos and asked him to build an unfortunate strip mall, you’d probably get the boxy and somewhat desperate aesthetics of Carbone’s, which anchors a sad little retail corner with a tiny wine shop (cleverly called Cork Dork, which I also checked out while in da hood and loved it!)  and Toby’s Styling Shop which is probably where the neighborhood’s elderly gals go to get their blue-rinses and perms.    All three establishments feature blue awnings, probably in an effort to make them look less like East Berlin before the wall came down. 

The parking lot itself, however, was perfectly acceptable.  Although small, there are plenty of parking spots for the clientele of these three unique establishments, and the lot is designed with a minimal amount of parking hazards for those of us inclined to crash and smash innocent inanimate objects.

Entrance/Welcome:  Ever walked into a nursing home cafeteria?  Although I didn’t spy anyone playing bingo or stockpiling Cheerios – a frequent sight at Catholic Eldercare, the nursing home where my Grandma Mary spent her final days – the sights and sounds of Carbone’s conjured up more images of “involuntary commitment” than “romantic date night”. 
We walked in and were told to seat ourselves, so we did.  There is ample space to meander between the booths and tables at Carbone’s – I would venture to say that their design is fully compliant with current ADA building codes – and we found ourselves a nice, wide booth.

Clientele/Overall Vibe:  Carbone’s does a brisk takeout/delivery business.  Those who choose to dine in are few and far between . . . and in keeping with the nursing home décor, the average patron was an AARP card carrying senior citizen.

Wait Staff: Our sever was delightful.  And I’m not just saying that because after asking to see my ID after I ordered a beer, she felt compelled to tell me that I don’t look a day over 30.  Although it didn’t hurt, either. 

In other news, she was a voice double for the transvestite prostitute from Hangover 2.  You can imagine the fun we had with that . . . .

Menu Selection: Carbone’s allows you to build your own pizza or you can choose from their specialty pizza selection. We were sorely tempted to order the taco pizza but decided to stay true to our pizza blogging roots and went with the special.  Carbone’s also allows you to choose your crust depth  They offer thin crust, thick crust, deep dish, and even gluten free crust options.  And the menu is laminated so they can just rinse it off and reuse it.  


  
Food Wait Time: I forgot to time it.  But it seemed about average.  Scientific, I know.

Drumroll, Please . . . The Pizza Itself:  Carbone’s thin crust pizza is their claim to fame, so we ordered a thin crust house special, which features sausage, pepperoni, green pepper, and onions.  Like our week 20 destination, Fireside Pizza, our pizza was again served on a round cardboard base. 

Carbone’s did not disappoint.  Their thin crust pizza was awfully delicious.  The crust reminded me of neither communion wafers nor saltine crackers.  Instead, it was pure crispy awesomeness.  The sauce was tangy and the toppings were fresh and tasty.
It wasn’t the best thin crust pizza I’ve ever enjoyed, but Carbone’s is definitely a contender for the top ten thin crusts we’ve enjoyed. 



Price & Value: The price is right.  A large pizza, iced tea for the hubby and a nice Stella Artois for me ran us just under $30.  Of course, I had to leave a big tip for our server because telling me I look 10 years younger than I am will always get you a big tip.  And that’s my tip for you. 

Post-Pizza Mood: We were in good moods when we arrived and each of us left at about an 8.  Can’t ask for much more than that.  Of course, I had a strange urge to go play bingo and ride around in a wheelchair, but that was probably due to the décor. 


Bottom Line:  If you’re a fan of Broadway Pizza, Tasty Pizza, or Latuff’s, I think you’ll enjoy a trip to Carbone’s.  In fact, I’m confident that you will.  And don’t forget to build in time to play bingo afterwards!

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