Week 9: Leaning Tower of Pizza - Minneapolis

As we embarked on our 9^th consecutive week of pizza consumption, our lack of enthusiasm was notable.  Frankly, I’ve seen greater excitement surrounding a pending root canal than I observed in our humble household that fateful Saturday evening.   While I maintain my stance that all pizza is good pizza by virtue of its membership in “genus pizza”, three weeks of so-so ‘za had taken a toll on us.  If I’m going to consume these levels of salt, fat, grease and carbohydrates, I want the experience to be spectacular, especially when I know what types of cruel and unusual punishment await me in the dark, dank, scary recesses of my personal trainer’s heart.  [Side note: in spite of the fact that he’s seen me roll sideways off a weight bench, walk into a door, and crumple into a heap on the floor, Trainer Aaron’s optimism knows no bounds.  He is constantly challenging my ability to fight the earth’s gravitational forces and don’t even get me started on what he wants me to do with that damn stability ball.]

After the great ordering fiasco known as week 7, I’ve been pretty diligent about conducting informal research before we leave the house.  A quick Google search often provides interesting details about our chosen pizza joint and sometimes offers some tips and tricks for the first-timer.   Although our week 9 destination – Leaning Tower of Pizza – came highly recommended by my friends Heidi, Mark, and Dede, the interweb was less complimentary.  In fact, after reading a few Yelp and UrbanSpoon reviews, that trip to the dentist was starting to sound like a better option.  Do I trust my friends or the friends I haven’t met yet, hiding behind clever screen names with nothing better to do that critique restaurants online?  (Wait . . . isn’t that what I’m doing? How come it sounds so much worse when I mock others for it?) 

We trudged out to the car as if we were facing a firing squad and headed 5.3 miles to my least favorite area in town; Uptown.  Why my great disdain for Uptown, you ask?  Well, it’s pretty simple.  First, I believe we’ve already dissected my poor driving and parking record.  Uptown is rife with places to smash my car, run over bicyclists, or flatten pedestrians.  I simply do not have the driving skills to navigate this real-life game of Pole Position.  Second, Uptown is a young person’s haven.  And while I’ve been lying about my age for quite some time, I have always had the soul of a 97 year old woman.  I’m not interested in your piercings, your tattoos, your music, your ironic t-shirt collection, etc.  You’re young, I get it.  You think the world revolves around you.  But only one of us is a princess in this scenario, and it ain’t you!  My general contempt for hipsters combined with my parking problems and the irate old woman living inside me combine to make me dread visiting Uptown at all costs.  Besides, I recently did some significant body damage to my car in an Uptown parking ramp and I’m holding a grudge. 

In spite of the malaise in the air, our pre-pizza moods were better than one might expect, all things considered.  Our expectations were low but our spirits were high.

Pre-Pizza Moods:  We both clocked in around a 7.  Moods would have been higher but I anticipated parking problems and a hipster doofus infestation.  On the plus side, my pre-pizza research provided me with two very handy pieces of intel.  Social-media savvy first-time visitors who check in on Foursquare  receive a free order of cheese bread.  I love Foursquare because I enjoy engaging in invisible competition with strangers to achieve world domination by way of mayorship, so I was certainly not going to miss an opportunity to use my iphone to score some free snacks.  Secondly, my research identified a pizza coupon which I printed at home and brought with to save some additional coin on my future dinner.  I encourage you to check out the deals online before you visit!

Parking Situation:  Okay, you’re Uptown, so you know parking is at a premium.  Leaning Tower does have a small parking lot for their patrons, but if you blink (or look on the wrong side of the street), you’ll miss it.  Which we did, necessitating a trip around the block before we were able to pull in and park.  This is a place I will never, ever be allowed to visit alone, because I would most certainly total my car.  If you’re not parking challenged, you could also opt for street parking.

Exterior Appearance:  It’s not much to look at from the outside.  It looks like your typical Uptown establishment, but there’s a sign and a door, which is more than I can say for some of these hipster hangouts like stupid Chino Latino.

Entrance/Welcome: We walked in and it’s a seat-yourself joint.  So we did.  I had to breathe through my mouth because the smell of patchouli was overwhelming.  Eventually, a server came by, gave us some menus, and said hello.

Clientele / Overall Vibe:  Yes, it did in fact smell like patchouli inside.  And yes, there were some hipsters in my presence.  However, most of the patrons seemed to be decidedly non-hipster folks in search of some food and drink.  And you know even I can’t find anything about that to mock.  Leaning Tower of Pizza boasts two daily happy hours and this is definitely a bar first, pizza joint second.  You can belly up to the bar, play a board game, and drink on the cheap between 4-6 PM and/or 10:30 PM – 12:30 AM.  We were between happy hours during our visit but based on the advertised specials, I can imagine this place attracts a lot of frugal drinkers.

Wait Staff: Cruel online pizza reviewers had a lot of negative things to say about the wait staff at Leaning Tower.   My server was extremely helpful, polite, and efficient.  There was another server in my peripheral vision who redid her hair about 37 times during my dinner – I guess she couldn’t figure out the best placement for her ironic “Hello Kitty” style bow – and who looked as if she needed a bowl of raisin bran and some Miralax to wipe that constipated expression from her face.  But since I only had to look at her and not actually interact with her, I shouldn’t judge.  But I do.

Menu Selection:  You can order from their selection of specialty pizzas (my friend Dede recommends the Potter), you can opt for the pizza of the month, or you can design your own.  After a consultation with our server, we ordered something called the Hot Tower, which features hot & spicy pizza sauce, sausage, pepperoni, onions, green peppers, jalapenos, topped with pepper jack, mozzarella cheese and crushed red peppers.  Or, if you’re in the mood for a burger or pasta, knock yourself out.  They’ve got it all here.  Note: their website appears to be down for maintenance today or I would post a link to the menu.  

Food Wait Time: About 30 minutes from order to table. 

Drumroll, Please . . . the Pizza Itself:  Oh, Leaning Tower of Pizza, thank you!  You’ve restored our faith in pizza.  You were the pizza we’ve been wanting to eat lo these last several weeks.  Your crust is thin and crispy.  Your cheeses did not coagulate in my throat or strangle me and I applaud your creative use of pepper jack.  With a name like “hot tower”, we knew this pizza would have a little bit of a bite – and it did.  Which, by the way, went beautifully with my beer.  It was greasy, it was crispy, it was saucy (in a good way) and I wanted to lick the platter clean.

Price & Value:  With our $2 off coupon and free cheese bread, this meal was a bargain!  Total cost, including tip and adult beverages for me,  was just about $30.   

Post-Pizza Mood: Leaving the Leaning Tower, we were both perfect 10’s.  No one crashed our cars, we didn’t get overrun by hipsters, we didn’t pay $60 for a pizza that left us hungry and wanting for more . . . and we had a lovely date night.  This was the pizza that renewed our faith in pizza – and in our little pizza every week experiment. 

Bottom Line: Lesson learned.  My friends have great taste in pizza, and I should always take their word over the words of friends I haven’t met yet who post mean things on the internet.  I would love to return to the Leaning Tower – but you’ll have to drive me!  This is the pizza that reminded us why we love pizza.  You won't be disappointed.